Feb. 21, 2007
I attended my first humanist wedding last month, and my sister-in-law was the bride.
Those of you who know my background may be a little confused. My husband and I come from very religious Mormon families, but we are fortunate enough to have a few rebels scattered among us. Of the six children in my husband’s family, three are either atheist or agnostic.Not all of us came to our change of beliefs the same way. We changed at different times, for different reasons, and very privately. It wasn’t until I began blogging about my non-theism that I learned about the others. To this day, the nonbelievers rarely approach the subject.
The baby of the family, the bride of the humanist wedding, is the only one of us who abandoned her faith while single. She fell in love with a man of similar religious background and common current non-belief. And they decided on a humanist wedding.
My favorite part of this story is that my sister-in-law asked one of her brothers to marry them. That brother (one of the nonbelievers) spent fifteen minutes on a humanist website, filled out a form, paid a small fee, and is now an "authorized clergy member."
The bride and groom planned the wedding on their own terms. I smiled when the groom reminded the new clergyman that "God is not invited to the wedding."
But it was the intimacy that moved me. My sister-in-law is a family-centered girl. She adores her five older brothers. She is close with her mom and dad. It was perfect that she asked her big brother to perform the wedding ceremony, not a hired acquaintance.
At the ceremony, the officiating brother stood at the front. The wedding party in satiny, silver-blue dresses and black tuxedos proceeded down the aisle to the music of Pachelbel’s Canon in D, and lined up near him.
The traditional music began, and we all stood and faced the rear to see the bride appear with her father. She was stunning in her white gown. I looked back at her brother, the officiator, and noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. When I looked back at my sister-in-law, I saw her eyes connect with her brother’s, and she also teared up. The emotion was contagious.
This theme of family closeness ran throughout the wedding. The ceremony’s script was a compilation of various humanist wedding ceremonies posted online, and a unique feature was the inclusion of family and friends. Both sets of parents stood for a moment near their son and daughter, and offered their blessing to the couple by saying "we do" at the appropriate time.
After that, all of the guests stood and announced in unison that "we do" offer our blessing as well. In what I saw as a humanist tradition of letting others make their own choices, the ceremony lacked a request for any objection to the couple’s marriage.
After the ceremony, as we prepared to move into the reception hall, family members, both religious and non-religious, commented on the ceremony’s beauty.
Many aspects of the wedding were unique and unconventional, a demonstration of the couple’s courage. They kept traditions that were meaningful to them. They ignored traditions that were not. And they created their own way of doing things to fill in the gaps. What a beautiful and healthy way to start a life together!
States and countries all have their own laws concerning requirements of wedding officiators. My state of Arizona may be one of the more lenient ones. You may or may not be able to get one of your siblings certified to officiate. In fact, some of you may not want any of your siblings to officiate.
The good news is that there are options for humanist couples other than religious ministers and courthouse clerks. In addition, we can be in charge of the tone and direction of our own weddings and life-cycle ceremonies. Some sources for humanist weddings and other ceremonies are:
"Secular Wedding Ceremonies" by Bill Schultz
A listing of humanist celebrants by the Humanist Society
Humanism Services
Interfaith Officiants
Noell Hyman writes for her blog, AgnosticMom.com. She has been blogging since August of 2005. Relatively new to the humanist landscape, Noell declared herself a humanist some time in the year of 2002 after leaving religion, specifically the Mormon Church. A stay-at-home mother of three young children, Noell's aim is to reach other non-religious parents who find themselves isolated in the struggle to raise a healthy family without religion. Noell wants to make "Agnostic Mom" a humanist and secular household name. Visit: www.AgnosticMom.com
prev story